C's of the Marrried Relationship Part 4

October 13, 2009

By Dr. Allen Novian

 

The final C is Compassion.


Acting out of compassion for your spouse and yourself in all things is vital to maintaining a healthy marriage. All too often in relationship, compassion is replaced by selfishness, jealously, and resentment. Compassion involves a continuous desire for your spouse to be happy, to prosper, and to grow in love. This desire is demonstrated in what you think and, more importantly, in what you say to and about your spouse. The most important demonstration of compassion is in how you treat your spouse on a moment-to-moment basis. You show compassion by finding ways to support your spouse in the good times and the difficult times. While the marriage bond requires more than compassion–friendship and sexual attraction are important–compassion is the heart of a relationship.

There are many feelings that can attract and bond you to someone else. When love is real, the foremost among these feelings is compassion. You feel the other’s hurts and concerns as your own. You ache to see God’s best worked out in that person’s life.


The dazed sensation which we call “being in love” often has little to do with compassion. It can come from sexual attraction alone or from being enamored with qualities you esteem in the other. It can also come when the other compensates for a deficit in your own life. The wonderful gratification of knowing that someone else cherishes you exactly as you are can also be mistaken for love. Someone may say, “I’m in love with you”, but what he really means is, “You meet my needs and make me happy.” This is not love; this is neediness and selfishness. Compassion is the opposite of this way of being in relationship with your spouse and will lead to a closer commitment and better communication.


So as you can see, all three of the C’s (Commitment, Communication, and Compassion) in relationship work together to build a healthy, lasting marriage relationship. By improving any one area you will naturally improve the others. So begin to work on these areas today and watch your marriage grow. If you need help give me a call.

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